Look up...and see the hope you're looking for.

26 October 2009 @ 10:34 pm

the following is an excerpt from an email I sent my sister...

I do not like snow. Or rather I like snow in its season, but only in its season (that is winter)! Unfortunately, as my friend pointed out, in Canada there are only 2 seasons. Winter and Construction. The sad thing is that this fact is sooooooo true! It had already snowed here in Calgary. Our first snowfall was the weekend after Mom and Dad helped me move. Dad put winter tires on my car at that time. I had protested because I couldn't foresee getting any snow in the near future. After all, just a couple weeks before Calgary had been boasting +26 degree weather! But...you would think I would be familiar with the unpredictability of Calgary weather by now after living here for 4 years. Snow in early October right after a bought of summer weather would not be uncharacteristic of this city of the great white northern plains. And thus, a week later I found myself extremely grateful to my parents, who know the weather of Calgary better than I do and had the foresight to put winter tires on my car.

You think roads are bad in BC when it snows. Sister, you have not seen the ploughing, or total lack of it, in Calgary upon a first snowfall. The first snow day this October was a day of over 350 accidents city wide that included 6+ car pile-ups. I set off in my car that morning to go to work and had to skip going up the hill that I normally go up, because it was blocked off with at least a couple different kinds of sirens. Going up the next hill I drove behind people who were going 20km. These people did not have enough momentum to get up the hill and it wasn't long before they started sliding off the side of the road. But, thanks to my super-duper winter tires I was able to keep going! As I continued up the hill I observed cars strewn over both sides of the road. I had to swerve between lanes to go between side-ways parked cars, until finally reaching the top - the sole victor on a road full of "I-wannabee-going-to-work-ers." Yes, that day I was definitely thankful for my tires.

I read in the news later that I mayor of Calgary took 90 minutes to travel 11 kms from work to his home and has thus finally decreed that Calgary's snow-ploughing system needs to be overhauled. Uh, no duh?

My main reservations about snow are two. First, it is cold and wet. My feet do not like cold and wet, no matter what kind of boots I am wearing. I bought new boots last year that I was really excited about, but was appalled to discover come snowfall that while they keep my legs really warm, they have absolutely no insulation for my feet!!!! My feet are so blueeeeee..... Furthermore the wet really matters when you have to trudge through ankle-deep puddles to get back and forth to school and work in your nice work clothes. Trying to wring out your pant legs and socks is no fun. (although this summer I had to do that too after being out in a rainstorm that even the ducks were hiding from).

My second reservation is that snow is white. Now, I have nothing against white. It is very nice to look at in its season. However, snow makes the whole world white (although I admit there are several different shades: pristine white, grey-white, dirty-white, yellow white [don't eat yellow snow]). As much as I can appreciate the colour white, it gets boring after a while if there is no other colour to see, and 6 months of the year is a really long time for the world to be monochromatic on the colour scale. I like colour. By the end of winter I really miss colour.

Current Mood:

tired

Leave a comment

08 October 2009 @ 05:01 pm

Confrontations

I think I’ve experienced too much confrontation recently. It’s happening almost daily and my body is beginning to predict it in my personal encounters. I didn’t realize it was so bad until yesterday when one of my close school companions asked to speak to me after class yesterday. I immediately felt the tensions in my body shift , an “oh no, what did I do now?” reaction. I tried to make myself relax but it was to no avail; I guess by then it had become a habit to prep for confrontation.

It was a confrontation, I guess if seen in some light, although one might have just passed it off for a casual discussion on the technical wording of my latest email sent to a group of people. In some ways I am glad we were able to discuss it without it really escalating to conflict, but at the same time I am also sad that my body’s fight or flight response was correct in predicting yet another dose of confrontation.

I think the event that exposed me to so much conflict was the process of moving. I have had a lot of conflict with my new landlord. I went to move my stuff into the house and found out that he hadn’t painted the bedroom like he said he was going to. His stuff was still in the living room too. So we covered up the gaping holes in the paint in the room with posters and moved his stuff for him into the storage room. There were a lot of unpleasant surprises that day. My dad spent a lot of time fixing things while he visited and I spent a lot of time texting back and forth with my landlord, which has turned me off of texting forever. Ugh, my body cringes just thinking about that terrible weekend.

Since then the continuing changes at work and church, the due assignments and major exams and ongoing process of settling into my new place has continued to keep me on edge. My body feels like a fully loaded spring that can’t do anything until it gets so tight that it explodes. I’m beginning to have stomach aches regularly, at least once for the past 3 days, and I’m wondering if the stress might be one reason why. Either that or I am not eating properly while under stress, which is also a probability.

This past weekend my D&D character DeeDee also experienced confrontation. She’s a lot like me, so she handled it in a similar way that I handle confrontations. First she ignored the situation, while being all too aware of it. Then, when physically confronted she tried to talk her way out of it, using her diplomacy skill. The conflict persisted despite these efforts, and it wasn’t too long before her aggressor had pushed too hard. That was when DeeDee blew up, and yelled at her opponent with equal aggression, verbally challenging her to a battle to the death. This challenge came despite the fact that DeeDee was a gnome bard: a vertically challenged music maker of peace who was half the height of her aggressor, a human paladin: a tall, fully armoured knight of the light who was immune to charms – the one thing that DeeDee could have used to win that battle. In truth, DeeDee probably didn’t have a hope of winning and she knew that. She made the fighting challenge fully expecting to die, but she was so annoyed and pissed off at the other character she didn’t care anymore. She just wanted to get the conflict over with and was too angry to care how that was accomplished.

I don’t think I am willing to face my giants in exactly the same manner DeeDee was. Fighting to the death is a little too extreme for me. But, all the same I can see parallels in her experiences and mine, and I hope that my issues with confrontation will be resolved before I explode like she did.

Current Mood:

discouraged

Leave a comment

07 October 2009 @ 06:09 pm

Oh internet!

It has been almost one week without internet at home. I am suffering withdrawal. It is serious! I'm beginning to have trouble focusing on homework. I get nervous with the silence of the new home and my hands twitch. I lunge for the remote control at any chance I can get just to give some sort of sound and visual occupation for my senses, but it is to no avail. It only merely covers up the deeper longing that is inside: the longing to log on to the world wide web and engage in my favourite pastime.

This is no good. I am an addict.

Current Mood:

addicted

Leave a comment

20 September 2009 @ 10:50 pm

stressed

The stress is making me feel sick. Is it over yet?

Current Mood:

queasy

Leave a comment

04 September 2009 @ 10:14 am

Moving.

So, big news: I’m moving. The big date is October 1^st. Crazy. Here’s a timeline of this decision:

April: the thought of moving first crossed my mind
June: exchanged emails with my family toying around with the idea of buying a place. Dropped the idea after a couple of weeks because it wasn’t going to work out.
Sept. 1: My roommate/landlord tells me she would like to discuss moving my computer out of the living room. Since there is no more room in my room to put it, this inspires the thought that perhaps I really should consider moving.
Sept. 2: exchange emails with my mom who agrees with me that it is a good idea. Get a phone call from Nichole that night also asking me if I’m moving (although I haven’t mentioned it on my blog for a long time). Through that one of my roommates finds out, and she is supportive.
Sept. 3: I arrange a couple of viewings. The second place is a place that is a carbon copy of what I prayed for (and I have been doing a lot of praying around this). I called my second roommate/landlord and told her that over the last couple of days I had been working on this idea of moving out and wondered how she would feel if I moved out by Oct. 1. She was okay with it, and even supportive when I told her I had found such a place.
Sept. 4: Got a call back from my prospective landlord today. I got the place! Going to place a security deposit on it tomorrow.

So, the summary of the story is that within 4 days I have decided to move, found a place and arranged things with my friends, family, roommates and landlord to leave. Things have moved lightning quick and it is both exhilarating and scary at the same time. I am not reknowned for being a quick decision maker. I usually like to mull things over for a while, considering all the pro’s and con’s from every angle and talk myself out of any change if I can. That’s why I’m such a frugal shopper. That is why I didn’t move back at the end of April or May when I first considered moving.

However, there is this voice I have learned to listen to. It always starts speaking right before any major change in my life. It is the voice of God, and he always speaks to me in the same way. It starts with a growing feeling of discontent, from there something often happens that makes it difficult for me to stay where I am. Then the feeling explodes. It is a feeling that has a message attached with it, “Go for it!” I’ve learned to listen to God’s voice and when He lines up circumstances like this and says “Go for it!”, that means I go. When I go in response to God’s voice, it is incredible how quickly things fall in place, like BAM BAM BAM!. That is why I cannot doubt this decision to move. I am not hearing things faulty because things worked out so incredibly quickly, easily and effortlessly.

It happened before when I decided to move to Calgary. The feeling of discontent had been growing all summer coming to a climax around the first of September. Then all of the sudden something happened in the ice cream parlour where I worked that confirmed I couldn’t stay there any longer. At that moment I went into the backroom and prayed to God. “I know I have to go, but I don’t want to go back to Zellers, I don’t know what to do.” “Go to Calgary,” was his immediate response. I was stunned. I had never even considered moving to Calgary before, and hadn’t even really wanted to, but in that moment as I sat in the chair at work a full-fledged plan was dropped into my brain with every single detail taken care of. I would put in my two week’s notice, contact my cousin who lived in the city and see if I could live with her until I found my own place, and then find someplace where I could work. So I went home that night and walked down to the basement where my mom was working. “Mom, I’m quitting my job and moving to Calgary.” “Okay,” she said. Once again I was stunned. My decision was so sudden and out of the blue that I had been expecting her to make some sort of fuss, not just simply say, “Okay.” It was the first of many things that fell into place for me. Within three weeks I was in Calgary. Within one week of being in Calgary, I got a job and a church. Within the next month I found a place to live, and God called me to go to a Bible school the next year that was really close to where I lived. BAM. BAM. BAM. BAM. Just like that.

Since I have come to Calgary in obedience to God, it is incredible how things have worked out in my life. It’s like God’s favour has been on me and I have prospered at whatever I have done. I have always felt completely settled and happy here because I know I am exactly where He intends me to be: the right church, the right school, the right job, and the right place to live. And now, when the right place to live doesn’t become the right place anymore, He provides me a new place.

So let me tell you about the place: it’s a basement suite (the windows are above grade, so it’s quite bright) in the same community where I’m living now (close to work and school), 2 bedrooms, a living room, full kitchen (lots of cupboard space), newly-tiled bathroom, shared laundry, utilities all included (except for phone and internet which I already have), all for $695/month.

So, now my only concern this month is figuring out how I am going to move, go to school full time and work part time all at once.

Current Mood:

blessed

3 comments | Leave a comment

12 August 2009 @ 03:58 pm

My life could be changing!!!

Hi Tim,

Attached is a spreadsheet of a number of issues I have been tracking since Dana’s visit in June. It will provide a comprehensive, although not complete, view of the sheer volume of errors I have had to deal with, as well as the lack of follow up that I have often experienced. This is of great concern to CLS as I will be returning to part-time hours in the fall to resume school and will be unable to keep up with these problems, should they continue to persist.

Thank you,
Danaya Kotyk

Calgary Lab Services
Purchasing Department

I haven't written much on this blog this summer about what a headache work has been. Let's just say that at times it's bordered on nightmarish. One of our main suppliers centralized their system back in April, which left us in the purchasing department treading water with only one extremely overworked, undertrained rep to help us. When you consider that CLS does 20% of the purchase orders for the Calgary Health Region, this was not good news. Day after day for months I have been trying to sort out the tangled web of errors that cropped up with each new order. They have continued to pile up and pile up, until the point that I am not even receiving replies for most of the issues I am trying to deal with. As a result of this stress, I have been generally pretty cranky at work all summer long. Yesterday, after receiving 14 emails in my inbox about billing errors within an hour, however, I finally had enough. I scrounged together enough time to build a spreadsheet based on the volume of emails I had been collecting for such an occassion and sent it to a higher-ranked employee of our supplier.

He has gotten back to me within hours of receiving the email that I posted above. All the billing issues will be fixed by tomorrow with non-stock adjusting credits. Some of these I have been trying to get actioned for months. He is arranging pickup of all the misshipments that have happened over the past months that I have been waiting for all this time for people to action. And - here is my happy news - he is soon going to be my one stop shop for all errors made by the company!!!! You have no idea how excited this makes me! This guy knows what he's doing; he knows how to fix my problems and he's the type to go nip the problem at its source rather than beating around the bush. My work life might just improve by the time summer is up!!!!

WOOHOO!

Current Mood:

excited

1 comment | Leave a comment

11 August 2009 @ 12:24 pm

Minotaurs and needles

When I woke up this morning I was stabbing a dwarf-sized minotaur to death with a needle and some ribbon, after I had kicked him to the ground with the help of some of my kickboxing moves that were improperly executed. My immediate conclusion after I realized that this was all a dream was that a) this was a rather morbid dream to have b) I should have been given a better weapon than a needle if I was going to be fighting a minotaur and c) I need to cut back on the video games.

On that note, it should also be noted that I woke up this morning in a rather foul mode, if my dream was any indication. Last night I played a MMORPG game with my group of D&D friends who had conned me into joining them online. Since the beginning of the year they had wanted me to be part of a dedicated group with them and I had run out of excuses. So weeks ago I went through the 3 hour download so I could join the thing. My conclusion? I guess I like the game well enough, although my internet connection can’t keep up with it and my video card spazzes out periodically. I don’t know if I like playing with them though. For half of the game I am stuck just running behind them trying to keep up since they all have every dungeon memorized. For the other half, I’m constantly turning the wrong corner, opening the wrong chest, fighting the wrong guy, or walking off the wrong ledge to fall to my near-death dozens of feet below because my screen keeps spacing out. It’s really frustrating and I’m beginning to realize that my version of “fun” in a video game is different than their versions of “fun”. As a new player I want to go slowly and savour the quests, explore and figure things out on my own (or at least be valuable to the process of figuring things out), and embrace the story that we’re supposed to be acting out. As veteran players all they want to do is blast through all the lowbie stuff so they can get to the good loot in the higher levels. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could just do everything on one of my other characters all solo, but this is a game that sort of requires group work, and I suspect that most other groups I join will be exactly like these people. This is why I have always avoided massive multiplayer online games, and the reason why I still want to avoid them.

Where’s another minotaur? I need to go stab him with my needle.

Current Mood:

cranky

2 comments | Leave a comment

09 August 2009 @ 11:47 am

A brief reflection on a summer

This has been a weird summer. Okay, maybe weird isn't the right word......perhaps "different"? Okay, let's start with, "it has been a good summer." Underneath all the fun and games, though, something has happened. I'm beginning to believe that the summer is where my life really happens, where change and growth really comes to play, and the rest is just auxillary. Nah, that's not right either. Sigh.

Either way, this summer has been filled with fresh new experiences for me that have impacted me and changed my life in ways that I do not know yet. My trip to Cuba impacted my views on communism, world affairs, and was filled with so many firsts for me that I lost count. My pilgrimage back to BC brought me back to the landscape of my childhood and impacted my soul on a deeper level that words can describe. I think forever my perspective of 'vacation' will be changed after that experience. And, just recently, on my trip home to the lake, I had the opportunity to learn about a piece of my heritage that I didn't know existed.

After 40 years of enstrangement, my mother has made contact with her biological family on her mom's side (and consequently on her dad's side too since her dad's brother married her mother's sister). The event that sparked this reconciliation was the death of my biological grandmother whom I have never met. My mother attended the funeral, along with her brother and sister and in the process they were able to arrive at closure for the hurts of the past, as well as meet a whole of side of the family that they have never had the opportunity to meet. This encounter for my mom has been monumental. It has brought of memories that she has rarely thought of in the past many years, and it has also sparked the desire for her to get to know her extended family better. For the first time in my life my mother sat me down, without any insistent inquiry on my part, and told me the story of her childhood. I learned a lot about my history, because what has affected my ancestors inveriably always affects me, even on the smallest level. We also learned a lot from my mom's aunt and uncle whom we visited on Friday night in the Okanagan. For example. I learned that I'm a whole lot more Irish than I thought I was and that there is a history of cancer and lung disease in my mother's mother's side of the family (in fact, most of the genetic health problems that I will have to worry about come from my grandmother). I don't know yet the depths to which this encounter will affect us as a family, but I do feel like someone has turned a page, especially for my mother. Within the past couple of years my interest has peaked in history, not just general or Canadian history, but also my own personal history. I feel like the more I can learn about those from whom I come from, the more I can learn about myself. The opportunity to even have a small meeting with this lost side of the family has provided me with an avenue for insight that I have never had before.

I thank God for His faithfulness.

My vacation is done now and it is approaching the middle of August. It is time to start getting back into school gear. I took out my Greek flashcards today telling myself I have to start reviewing them if I want to be in shape for this upcoming school year. At the same time though, I don't feel remotely ready for school. Despite all that happened and all that I managed to get done this summer, I feel like there's so much I have yet to accomplish that is not school related. I have stories to write, books to read, things to research, websites to develop, pictures to draw, games to play, movies to create and that's just the tip of the iceberg. However, instead of all of that, tomorrow I start work again, and I groan inside. I had a day from hell the day before I left on vacation, and I do not anticipate that things will have settled down by the time I return tomorrow. I groan inside with resentment at the looming stress.

Current Mood:

whelmed

Leave a comment

30 July 2009 @ 01:12 pm

For those who need a distraction:

Purple Elephants Fly At Midnight

Purple elephants fly at midnight
Which might seem weird
But that reminds me of a story
Where an unsuspecting quadrilant
Grew a beard
Quadrilants are purple too
Which I bet you didn’t know
But what they are is irrelevant
For the title of this poem

.................................

As I told my friend, I think this is a one hit wonder. In fact, I think I should publish. This way everyone, including myself, can wonder at our collective lack of knowledge regarding quadrilants.

No one else has written a poem called Purple Elephants Fly at Midnight, right? *concerned*

Current Mood:

over-worked

Leave a comment

15 July 2009 @ 04:04 pm

The ALL-IN ONE summer EXTRAVAGANZA post

So I’ve discovered that journaling really is a habit, and it is a habit that I’m not in. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say – oh no! Quite the opposite in fact. Contrary to other summers, this one is actually turning out to be fun! There have been no car accidents, no two jobs-no life, no driving out to Cochrane everyday to freeze to death and then coming home to boil to death, no 2-month long stretch of pink eye, and no daily chronic headaches and fatigue from plummeting eyesight quality. Instead of trying to force myself to study the socio-political economy of Canada, I decided to not put much requirements on myself other than to enjoy my summer, and spend a little less time off of the computer than last year (got to preserve that eyesight).

Now I have so many wonderful things that I’m enjoying doing I don’t have time to enjoy them all!

For example, funny thing, as soon as I scrapped the reading list I started reading more. Some of my reading ( highlights: )

Now, here's something I’ve been doing a lot of it this summer: ( gaming )

I keep thinking ahead to school. Every time I do my stomach tightens with a negative sense of anticipation. I do not look forward to the stress of the approaching school year. You would think that after almost 3 months of wonderful summer holidays I would be recovered, but I’m not. Not in the slightest. I remember the absolute exhaustion of my last March & April – the complete utter lack of energy and motivation and the extended midday naps. I probably took more naps in that one month than I have in the last 15 years of my life. I was beyond scraping the bottom of the barrel. I was required to keep on giving when I had nothing left to give: not only during the rush of final papers and exams at school, but also doing year end at work. It drained me, and that memory of drainage is not a pleasant one that I want to return to, and yet I know that this is what awaits me this next school year. My classes for the first semester are going to be History of Christian Theology, History of Christianity I, Intermediate Greek and Spiritual Direction. I’m hoping that the excitement of learning history, the rhythm of studying Greek and the familiar ground of Spiritual Direction will carry me through another action packed semester.

On the positive side, school does not start for another month and ½, which leaves a lot more time for recovery. I’m just doing my typical stupid thing of analyzing too far into the future. There is still a lot of summer vacation to enjoy.

So far this summer I’ve blogged about our amazing trip to Cuba in May, which incorporated a lot of firsts for me. I also undertook another first at the end of June, just recently. I went on a pilgrimage, of sorts. Scheduling off the Monday and Tuesday of the Canada Day weekend, I made arrangements to go home, not for the express purpose of vacation and visiting my family (although that certainly was part of it), but more particularly for an immersion into the Holy Places of my life. I decided that I would make plans every day to visit a place that has significance to my spirituality within my hometown, as well as a few particular people who I felt that I needed to visit. I should really write an entry on here describing my journey, because although not much happened it was profound on so many levels. The immersion into the landscape of my childhood was like water to a parched soul, and I enjoyed my time so much that I think I’m going to use that encounter as a template for future visits I plan for home.

I’ll have a chance to test out my new resolve when I visit my parents at the lake for a week at the beginning of August. Instead of going home at that time, I travel out past Nelson so a spot on Kootenay lake where my parents have set up their trailer. This year plans that are flitting around in my mind are: an excursion to Kokannee creek where the salmon run, a hike up Kokannee glacier, huckleberry picking in the mountains, kayaking and power-boating on the lake, perhaps an excursion to Cody Caves, and the Glass House across the ferry has been recommended to me recently as well. A friend is making plans to join me on my trip so I’m really looking forward to sharing this experience of landscape with her. Other highlights will include Saturday night community poker, duck racing down the creek, lots of sunshine soaking time, and my dad’s 50th birthday at the end of the week. It’s going to be an awesome trip! I hope it’s sunny.

Before I head out to B.C. in August however, my sister will be visiting first. She’s going to be here for a couple of weeks starting this Saturday, in the style of a tradition that we started a couple of years back. I really hope we have fun, because my life is full of activity right now. I’m going to continue to work full time over her visit, and I have other commitments as well: such as worship practice, D&D night and other friend hang-out events. I hope she doesn’t mind moving to the pace of my life some nights, but I don’t think it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. My sister is just as much of a dork as me and she will have no problem keeping herself entertained, especially with all of the gaming stuff I own that she doesn’t have in BC Both of us are reluctantly under orders, however, by my mother, to go shopping for some clothing for my sister. Never before would you find such an apathetic pair of sisters to the prospect of shopping. Out of all the activities I’ve thought of for her visit, this one sounds the most like work.

Okay, one last report about my summer and then I shall sign off. Last Friday I went for the dreaded *gasp* eye appointment. This is something that I’ve been anticipating since meeting with the eye doctor last year. My eyesight jumped so drastically last year that she said that something needed to happen or it would start affecting my health (it already was with the constant headaches). She recommended contacts, but after struggling for 3 months with the contraptions, I came to the conclusion that contacts were not for me. Even after we found a pair that didn’t give me vertigo and that I could seemingly see clearly out of, my brain still wasn’t able to convert the images into anything useful. I remember looking at a sheet of music at worship practice and not being able to read the words even though I could see them. It was a frightening experience. So I scrapped the contacts and decided just to make do with taking better care of my eyes. I ordered a $200 screen for my computer at work, I took more walks and more naps over the past year. This combined with my resolution to spend less time on the computer than last year seems to have paid off. When I went to visit the eye doctor last Friday there was only a small change in my vision and quote: “my focusing is a whole lot better than last year.” I didn’t even need to change prescriptions! Now if this is sustainable, maybe one day I can go for eye surgery and scrap these glasses altogether, hehe.

Current Mood:

chipper

Leave a comment

10 July 2009 @ 12:08 am

United Breaks Guitars

Found this because of the news tonight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YGc4zOqozo. It's about a musician who had United Airlines smash his guitar and refuse to pay compensation. Sowhat did he do? He wrote a song about it, and promised the airline that he would write 2 more as well! I have to say that the sheer artistry of this song makes me proud to be Canadian. And, actually, after listening to some of Dave Carroll's other music, I think I found another favourite musician.

Current Mood:

amused

Leave a comment

23 June 2009 @ 10:38 pm

A dutiful evening post with a hint of whistfulness

I'm going for a pilgrimage this weekend: a spiritual pilgrimage, planned by yours truly. It's weird to use this terminology, because from an outside view it's just a regular vacation since I'm going back to Fruitvale, B.C., my hometown. However, once I get there my plan is not to veg with my family or to hang with friends, although I will try to fit in a bit of both; rather, my goal is to have a bit of soul time. Could there be a more abstract concept? During the school year, though, I thought that I'm always putting so much out that it would be good this summer to take some time to truly reflect. Thus, while I'm back home, I will be visiting places that have significance to me spiritually. Ironically enough, they're all outdoors. I want to go to Gyro Park, Mazzochi Park, Champion Lakes, Beaver Falls, and maybe Beaver Mountain if I have the time. In those places I want to take pictures and journal a bunch. I also plan to visit my Grandma and Nana, who I didn't get to see much of over Christmas because of my bout with Norwalk, and Josh - who I have to thank for teaching me to drive standard.

I really miss Josh's sense of humour lately. Actually, I just miss being around people with my sense of humour period, or a sense of humour that really complements my own. At least I get a bit of it at D&D. There's a guy there who makes really terrible puns (he's a pun machine), whom I can joke a bit with. Sometimes though, I feel like the lack of opportunity to break loose into my crazy self is killing me. I really feel much more alive and in tune with who I am when my sense of humour gets turned on full force. At least I can still make my roomates laugh...but....

Current Mood:

whistful

Leave a comment

19 June 2009 @ 12:39 pm

The Danaya Files: Final Memories of Cuba

Highlights of Cuba Vacation continued, as promised!

Our time in Cuba wasn’t all spent on the beach and we were very careful not to get too much sunlight. Actually, according to my boss and a friend, I’m not “tanned enough.” One Cuban tour guide said to us that you can tell who’s a tourist and who’s a Cuban in Cuba by one simple fact: all the Cubans sit in the shade, and all the tourists stand (or sit) in the sun. That was probably a very apt observation.

Our itinerary went as follows:

Saturday: fly to Cuba, get there in the evening and unpack
Sunday: orientation and beach!
Monday: shopping in Varadero
Tuesday: Colonial Havana excursion
Wednesday: Beach during the day, dinner at French Restaurant & Tropicana Show excursion in the evening
Thursday: Beach! Dinner at Cuban restaurant
Friday: Jeep Safari excursion
Saturday: Pack and check out in the morning, last chance for shopping in Varadero in the afternoon, beach/dinner/departure in the evening

Shopping in Varadero, at least the first time we went, was a bit of an experience in torture for me. I had yet to completely adjust to the climate and standing on my feet for long periods of time is something that I simply don’t do in my line of work. After a couple of hours in the flea market I was hot, grouchy, sore and ready to fall over at any minute. I apologize, friends who were with me at the time. On the bright side however, I did buy most of my souvenirs on that day, and to get to Varadero we had the opportunity to ride on the top of a double-decker bus with the wind in our hair, gazing out at the Cuban countryside and coast.

My favorite moments of the trip had to have been those when we actually were able to meet and bond with other tourists, particularly those from Canada (and there were a lot from Canada!). For example, on the first day shopping in Varadero, on our return trip home, we discovered that we had gotten off at the wrong stop, just as it was beginning to downpour. To add spice to our adventure, and to give comfort that we were not alone in our assumptions, we had not been the only ones to mistake this stop as the Sirenis La Salina. Two other young ladies from our hotel had also gotten off at this stop. Thus began our mutual adventure of exploring the Cuban countryside and relocating our hotel – which couldn’t be too far away, right? Although we started walking the wrong way, a prudent request for directions soon put us back on track. A taxi cab hounded us, offering a ride for a peso each, but we kept doggedly trucking through the rain. And, even though it was raining out, and the other ladies had a dinner engagement soon, and I had just come from a long day shopping in the flea market, I found myself enjoying the walk very much. The rain cooled things down, but it was still warm enough out that being drenched was not a big deal. In fact, it was kind of pleasant. The conversation with the other lost ladies was also nice, since they were from Vancouver and we had a lot in common – such as originally planning on going to Mexico and ending up in Cuba instead.

A similar sense of camaraderie was discovered the next day as we departed for Colonial Havana excursion. We ended up in a van with a young boyfriend & girlfriend from Vancouver, a middle-aged Swedish couple from Toronto and a young husband & wife from Montreal. Our guide was a boisterous Cuban lady who proceeded to give us the low down on Cuba, including history, her own personal opinion of current circumstances, and answering our questions throughout the 2 hour van ride. We toured all over Havana that day, taking pictures and chatting with the other tourists that we were traveling with. My favourite part of the day, however, was when we entered a small Cuban restaurant to have lunch. They sat the 9 tourists at a table together and we proceeded to enjoy each other’s company over the course of the hour. It was really a heartwarming experience to see how complete strangers could bond so easily together. We chatted about all manner of things, such as school back in Canada or the dining conditions at our resorts. By the end of the day I felt like I had mad a bunch of new friends from all across Canada, although I couldn’t even really remember their names! Later that week, when we traveled back to the airport, we ended up in line right next to the young couple from Vancouver and proceeded to pass time in conversation with them and another young married couple from another resort, as though we had not really just met each other. Maybe it was just the Cuban experience rubbing off of us, but I’m so happy I was able to go on this trip, if it was just to experience this camaraderie with complete strangers once again. I really miss this sort of experience that I would get when going to Street Invaders, LifeForce, or starting out in a new place.

Well, I have to admit, it’s now been long enough since our trip to Cuba (one month a friend pointed out to me the other day!), that I really have run out of things to say. I really have only one more memory that I’d like to share, that this is the one that I’ve been telling everyone.

We signed up with our Air Canada rep to go on the jeep excursion on Friday. “Okay,” he said after the transaction was complete, “remember to bring your driver’s licenses.” What?! We were driving?! That information came so quickly right at the end that we didn’t even really have a chance to react it wasn’t until later that the thought came to us…what if we are driving a standard? Now, a few notes about this situation: we couldn’t cancel without incurring a 50% penalty. However, on the other hand, none of us 3 girls really had any experience driving a standard. I was the only one with standard driving experience and that had been once, two years ago in the summer where Josh sat me down for a couple of hours to go over the basics (stopping, starting, 3 point turns, and reverse). With this dreadful information in mind, we decided to cross our fingers and hope to high heavens that it wasn’t a standard that we were going to drive.

It was. And thus I was nominated to be the chauffeur to shuttle our small group around in the caravan. It was a memorable experience. I apologized in advance to my girlfriends over my future stalling and proceeded to drive not only the Cuban countryside, but also the Cuban highways, freeways and cities. There where a few times where I thought we were going to die. There were a few time where I thought we were going to get lost. There were a couple times when I doubted my ability to actually park and start the vehicle. However, there were also times on that journey, gleaming moments when I truly impressed myself as Josh’s impeccable teaching came back to me with full recollection and I found myself succeeding at the tasks set before me.

In the end, I was really glad we had taken that trip. We were able to go snorkeling (first time for me!), riverboating (so incredibly relaxing), eating a picnic beside the river (didn’t know that mangos look like potatoes when the fall fresh off the tree, haha), sampling fresh fruit at a local farm (there was one that I tried that looked like a dried up pea but tasted like sour candy!), and swimming in an underground cave (best swimming experience EVER!). In the end I thought that the jeep safari excursion was a good balance to our Havana excursion, one giving us a taste of the Cuban city, and the other a taste of the Cuban countryside.

So that’s all I have for memories for now. It was an enjoyable vacation, and hopefully we’ll be able to do Mexico one day in the future!

Tags: memory

Current Mood:

busy

Leave a comment

07 June 2009 @ 12:44 pm

Saturday night food, fun & games with a healthy dose of pessimism

I made bread by hand for the first time by myself yesterday! Pounded and punched it by hand and everything! And I made vegetable soup stock. It's purple. Must have been the purple cabbage and onion I put into it. Does anyone here like purple soup? I bet its really healthy - antioxidants and all that jazz. I was also able to make cinnamon buns with the bread dough I made. I brought them to Dungeons and Dragons and got an extra 1850 experience points to help me level up! (Also brought a loaf of fresh bread, and lemon chocolate cookies and coconut bread from cuba, and a gift of a carved turtle for the Dungeon Master, when I didn't know he actually collected turtles. Apparently the Rose-design dice box I gave to the other girl who plays D&D was a good choice too because she loves roses to the point of decorating her room in a Rose motif. What do you know? I was batting 1000 yesterday.)

Speaking of D&D I got home at 4am yesterday. And then went to church this morning. I am very tired. But not at tired as another member of our group who actually had to start working at 4am. I felt so sorry for him; he was falling asleep in his chair, but apparently no sleep is a normal thing for him. I asked him how he managed to stay alive.

Tomorrow I have to work and I'm cringing at the idea. I hate work. I've reached that point in my year where I curse the thought of working full-time. My co-worker and friend says it happens to everyone around summer. When I work full time I become so aware that my time is not my own and that over 1/3 of my day I put effort into something that really doesn't concern or effect me at all except to pay the bills.

Have you figured out yet that I am a closet pessimist?

My roomate laughed when I told her this, but I didn't take long for her to realize it was true, because no matter how much I may try to look on the bright side of things, my practical closet pessimism always seeps to a sarcastic surface. Sarcasm also runs deep in my D&D character and last night I had everyone in stitches over some of DeeDee's comments, such as the below:

"Do you know what time the guild hall is open too?" Diesa asks me (DeeDee)
"No, but I know a good way to find out. It's call ask someone."

Current Mood:

dazed

4 comments | Leave a comment

02 June 2009 @ 04:26 pm

The Danaya Files: A trip to Cuba!

While I was in my Contemporary Spirituality class last fall, there was a student that presented a paper on the spiritual benefits of travel, or on how traveling influences spiritual formation. At the time I thought his insights were pretty profound. Actually, I still think they are. Now, however, I have my own recent travel experience to gauge that against and I find myself wondering; did my trip to Cuba really inspire any spiritual formation in my life?

First of all, I should answer the question “Why Cuba?” Well, originally we were supposed to be going to Mexico. I was so psyched for that trip. We had found a 4-star resort on the Mayan Rivera that was on the beach, had snorkeling, dance lessons, and multiple pools. It was perfect. Beyond that, what really had me excited for the trip to Mexico was the opportunity to see legitimate RUINS for the first time in the form of the Mayan temples. I was so psyched. I was all prepared to go to the library and get all the resources on the ancient Mayan civilization as possible.

Then the worst thing happened: SWINE FLU.

(oh, pardon me, it’s supposed to be H1N1 now, isn’t it, because Egypt went and slaughtered every single pig that lived in its country).

Swine flu ruined my life.

The next thing you know all trips to Mexico are being cancelled, tour companies are going under, and everyone in the City of Calgary wants to get tested for infection. The frightening word is on the tips of everyone’s tongue: “PANDEMIC.” Never once does the public actually take the time to carefully analyze the stories and realize that thousands of people die from the flu every year, most of the death cases in Mexico were not confirmed to be caused by swine flu, every case of swine flu outside of Mexico has been relatively mild exempting those who have compromised immune systems, and that the word “pandemic” only refers to the widespread nature of the disease and not to its severity. The whole world overreacted and in the process I lost my vacation plans and proceeded to have the worst 2 weeks at work in my life.

Okay, now that I’ve complained, I can state that maybe this was a good thing. We haven’t had a pandemic scare for a while and it was good for Calgary Lab Services to flex its pandemic muscles. We created and implemented a lot of new and untested procedures that will certainly help us be more prepared for the next scare. However, salvaging our vacation from the ruins of natural disasters was going to be more difficult.

When we went to find someplace to rebook our vacation, there was nothing left. Everyone else had already rebooked and swallowed up almost everything that was available in our price range. After spending 4 hours one night searching the web for options, the 3 of us girls (me and my two friends from school) finally gave up in bitter defeat and resigned ourselves to asking a travel agent. The poor travel agent: lab testing wasn’t the only industry that the swine flu had affected. When we walked into her office late one afternoon she looked up, absolutely haggard as her phoned continued to ring off the hook. She was supposed to leave in 20 minutes, but generously agreed to sit down with us and go through everything. Forty minutes later we had signed up and booked ourselves for a vacation to Cuba.

Cuba. I knew nothing about Cuba. Um…cigars? Rum? Wait, they’re communist right?! They had some sort of missile crisis? … With these thoughts going through my head it soon became apparent to me that this was something I was going to have to research, and research in depth. I began to delve headlong into an in-depth study of the history, political and societal structure of Cuba, absorbing everything I could find on the subject. To my surprise, I didn’t mind it. In fact, I absolutely enjoyed researching the communist structure of Cuba. At first the resources I had found online all seemed to be American; they were so incredibly negative against the country. I resolved to go to the library and grab some Canadian books that would hopefully be less negatively biased. What I found astonished me, but would be too long for me to espouse ( here )

It was hard for us to get used to the idea of going to Cuba instead of Mexico. We had been planning for Mexico since February and it found a way to inevitably work its way into our communication. “Hey! I was thinking when we get to Mexico we should….uh, I mean Cuba…” Nevertheless we continued with our preparations. This was to be a vacation of firsts for me, regardless. In the weeks that followed I experienced my first time at a tanning salon, first time at a spa, first time getting waxed, and my first time getting a pedicure. This was so I could go on my first vacation out of North America, which would be the first vacation I’ve ever planned to do with friends, so that I could visit the Caribbean for the first time. Naturally, in the process I would experience my first flight on an airplane, open and play my new travel Boggle set for the first time (on the plane), get caught in turbulence for the first time, and go through customs for the first time.

As the week in Cuba progressed more firsts could be added to my ( list )

Some of the highlights of my trip have been laid out in my firsts list. Flight was really interesting and a lot of fun. I never knew they had individual t.v’s on the back of all the seats! I watched poker on the way down. It was funny seeing the expression my two friends looked at me with, “You like poker?!” *insert their incredulous look here* “Yes!” I respond with my face shining in excitement as I get ready to exclaim at the next amazing play on the screen. Flying definitely beats driving (although I like driving too). At least when you fly you don’t have to worry about keeping yourself awake.

An interesting experience happened when we finally got to our resort room that evening. We walked into the room and the tv was on. That was weird, we thought, but then promptly discovered that none of the lights in our room would turn on! We finally caught one of the trolley drivers (the resort was so huge it took 15 minutes to walk from one end to the other!) to ask him what to do. He showed us how one of our key cards was required to turn on the lights. Ironically enough, even though our lights required a key, our patio door didn’t! We resigned ourselves for the rest of the vacation to just use the screen door to enter and exit our room, so we wouldn’t need to carry a key around. (not exactly comforting as far as security goes though. We made sure to use the safe).

The weather in Cuba was so hot and humid. The first night I couldn’t even sleep. When we finally figured out how to turn on the air conditioning we learned that it had no concept of maintaining a comfortable temperature, but rather continued to plunge until we were all freezing in our beds. My nights throughout the rest of the week consisted of my waking up to turn the air conditioner on and off. My hair also reacted in its predictable frizzy nature to the humidity. The first day I tried to straighten my bangs. They promptly curled into a wild haze within 10 minutes. After that I resigned myself to curling them up and pinning them to the side of my head so that they wouldn’t at least stand on end.

Meals at the resort, I’m not going to lie, were a little scary. Most of the buildings were open to the outdoors, which was really cool in a non-temperature way. Unfortunately, for our food this meant there was nothing to keep the flies out and after sitting in the heat for 3 hours with flies on it, the buffet food was a little less than appetizing. Everything they were sure to cook in lots of grease, and the desserts all tasted like one thing: sugar. However, there were a few culinary delights that just required a bit of searching, like the morning orange juice that was so sweet and freshly squeezed.

The beach, on the other hand, was amazing. It was an endless white sand beach laid on a clear blue ocean with warm salt water that would swell gently when far enough for shore. We spent many moments on that beach, either bobbing in the water or laying on the beach with our books. I should mention, at this point, that this was my first time seeing a European woman on the beach, sunbathing as European women do, (which is topless!). Despite our beach time, however, we girls were very careful about our skin care, always putting on sunscreen and being extra careful with trouble spots. We might have not gotten as much of a tan as might have been possible, but our skin was better off for it. (only Amanda seriously burned, which was expected for her red-headed fair skin type. But even then I think the burning for her could have been a lot worse).

I’ll have to finish this entry later!

Tags: memory

Current Mood:

narrative

1 comment | Leave a comment

30 May 2009 @ 08:36 pm

All alone on a beautiful Saturday evening. poop

I'm feeling a little lonely today. All my D&D friends cancelled on me. So it's just me, alone, at home. The laundry is hanging on the light fixture next to me.

I went to my cousin's garage sale today. I got a new bookshelf. Didn't know where I was going to put it, but bookshelves make me so happy. Its pretty. I spent most of the day cleaning up the house so that it looks good where I put it.

I had an epiphany yesterday. What if I bought a house here in Calgary? Sure, I'm only planning on being in Calgary for 3 more years tops, but house prices have dropped during a recession and interest rates are at an all time low. While I might not be able to afford a house by myself, I wonder if I could talk my parents into going in half with me? They were talking about making an investment like this to prepare for retirement. The economy is going to rebound. If we bought a house together now then I bet that in a couple of years we'll still be able to make money off of it. Not only that, but then paying my rent would be like putting money in the bank. Every cent that I put into mortgage payments, or at least most of them, would come back to me later when we sell the place. Then I could use that money to pay off my school on the west coast or buying a place to live there. Or I could use the money to make the cross-Canada trip I've been dreaming about. I have this goal to one day to a cross-Canada pilgrimage, visiting all the major Parliamentary and historical sites. I could live in my car getting a hotel room every 3rd day or so, so that I can take a shower and wash my dishes. I'd buy a car power converter that would allow me to plug in one of those portable stovetops, and live off a simple diet that can be cooked in my car. I think it would be a fun adventure.

So, if I end up buying a place I'm going to need a roomate. Anyone interested?

Current Mood:

lonely

1 comment | Leave a comment

28 May 2009 @ 04:25 pm

The Danaya Files: Reflections on a school year.

All Right! I am determined to get back into the habit of live-journaling! As per usual, during the hectic school year I totally forgot how to do such a thing. The past semester was pretty awful – as far as energy goes. I was completely drained of everything by the first week of March. I never knew an intersession class (one week of full time 9-5 classes and one month of intense homework, right after Christmas) could be so demanding. I think I’ll swear them off for the rest of my life. By the end it was all I could do to keep going. I was making mistakes at work, coming home and collapsing into bed every second day, needing a 2 hour nap before I could even comprehend starting to work on my homework. I grew more grey hairs. I was so lethargic that I still consider it a miracle I got my homework done. There were a few times I wanted to give up. My Celtic Spirituality paper I changed the topic 4 times the week before it was due (I finally settled on Irish Dancing, and then it was actually one of my favourite papers to write all year). Also, when I sat down to write my final paper of the year for Minor Prophets, I totally blanked, courtesy of my teacher’s cryptic instructions. I emailed my teacher twice and started hunting down classmates and ex-students to help me get a handle on what he was saying. In the end, somehow, I managed to guess right, if the mark on my paper was any indication.

Now that my school year is done, I feel like I want to take a moment to write down what it meant to me. I’m beginning to realize that each school year tends to have a theme, a general and subtle message that works its way deeply into my life every year.

The first year, my mind was captured and transformed by the concept of ( metanarrative. )

My second year was a mixture of a whole bunch of things, and yet the theme that stands out in my memory is that of ( balance. )

For this, my third year, the theme was clear. It was a year about learning to see the ( sacred )

So that’s my excuse for not writing much during the school year: extreme exhaustion. Since school has ended I’ve embarked on yet another adventure that I never actually formally announced in here. For the first time in my life I was planning a vacation that would take me out of North America. But that, my friends, will be the content of another entry.

Tags: meditation, school

Current Mood:

un-inspired

Leave a comment

11 May 2009 @ 10:02 am

Dear Mom

I've been a bit behind on updating on here, and I blame that on recovery time for school, but that excuse is getting old. Thus, to give a brief update on my life, here is an email I sent to my mom in response to one of hers!

Hi Mom,

I also told him [Dad] to tell you that I was getting a haircut for the first time [i]ever[/i] in Calgary. I thought you would be real proud of me, haha. I'm glad you guys were able to go out together and enjoy a Mother's day brunch.

I made plans to go see the new Xmen movie last Friday with a friend, then I realized I had double booked myself! I had to cancel and take a rain cheque. Boo. Instead I went and helped out the the seminar I had volunteered for a month ago. I want to see Star Trek too. I have another girl friend who passes all the geek specifications so we're making plans to see that one together (she's also the one I'm going to see the Wolverine movie with).

I leave for Cuba this coming up Saturday. Surreal. I've been dropping money left and right to get prepared: haircut, bathing suits, summer clothes, tanning, waxing, pedicures, reading material - no one told me going on vacation could be so expensive!!!! I'm finding good deals though. I split 500 minutes at a tanning salon with my girlfriends ($100 for 500 minutes divided by 3). That'll last us for a long time! I went shopping for summer clothes and found a buy one get one free deal that I took advantage of. I had to go buy new underwear and discovered a $5 bra sale at Zellers. I got my haircut done at a walk-in place. The lady cut it a bit short (I don't think she realized how curly my hair really is) but it still looks pretty good. That cost $20, which is far better than the $40 salon price. I also went to Bentleys and was able to exchange my luggage with the warranty I had. The lady gave me the dollar value on my receipt against whatever I wanted to purchase in the store. It just so happened that there was a sale going on at that time, buy one get one 1/2 price, and the new luggage I chose was on sale, so I only had to spend $20 for new luggage!

How are things over at your workplace? Stupid flu last week made this place a nightmare. I've never processed so many purchase order lines at one time. For two days straight that's all I did. I wasn't even capable of doing any of my other duties. I keep telling everyone though that it might be a good thing because now that I've done so much ordering for my sites, maybe they won't order anything when I'm gone for a week!

Yes, I have X-Men movies at my house, but they are my movies. I thought you guys had your own copies of the show? Haha, I watch movies so rarely though, that X-Men 3 still isn't open. I had someone look at my movie shelf and ask me why 1/2 of them still had the plastic on. I'm saving them for a rainy day?

Recently, to prepare for going to Cuba, I've been studying it in my spare time. You think I would be sick of studying by now, but I don't have to write a paper on this one! Everything I'm reading has been fascinating though. I told my professor, when she asked, that I was really disappointed about not going to Mexico because I really wanted to see the Mayan Ruins, but I am making up for that by studying Communism! It just might be worth the switch (but no, I'm not going to turn communist)!

Sigh, don't I just have so much to say? I've phoned you twice this past week and you haven't been home. Tsk, tsk.

Have a good day,
Danaya Kotyk

Current Mood:

working

Leave a comment

06 April 2009 @ 10:08 pm

Embracing mental insanity

Last night did you hear a *snap*? That was the sound of me cracking. I have been physically exhausted and emotionally drained for over a month now and last night I decided I had nothing left to give. I had two options: either give into a defeatist sense of depression, or adopt an euphoric embrace of my own mental instability. Naturally I chose the latter. So I stayed up until two working on my paper (which I didn't finish) and then went to bed for 5 hours and slept fitfully. I woke up with cramps and when I got into the kitchen there was a whole pile of dishes sitting in cold water in the sink that my roomate had forgotten to wash the night before. I washed those dishes. Then I began to study my Greek vocabulary for the quiz today with my sleep-deprived brain. The entire time I was grinning like an idiot.

There's something releasing about recognizing and embracing your own mental instability. It's an acknowledgement that everything is wrong with the world, and instead of trying to fight the current and make things right you just turn around and join in adopting an attitude that is also wrong. It's a little masochistic, actually. As I walked to work, my head spinning in dizziness and euphoria from a lack to sleep, I acknowledged everything that was wrong around me and felt like singing. No, this emotion wasn't from joy; it was a giddy delight in my own suffering. Unfortunately, it couldn't be sustained.

If after reading what I've written so far you are worrying for my physical and mental well-being, do not fear. I have reverted back to a sane, normal, albeit very tired self. I'm still trying to squeeze juice out of my dry lemon of a brain, and failing miserably but for now I'm not rejoicing in that fact. Maybe I will tomorrow though; I kind of miss the crazy fun.

Current Mood:

exanimate

1 comment | Leave a comment

28 March 2009 @ 05:40 pm

Genetically uncompromising

My dad told me a funny story about my sister today. For those who don't know...my sister is my identical twin, who just happens to be 8 years younger. Not only do we look almost the same (minus her two extra inches of height on me), but we also have identical personalities, extremely similar interests and comparable hobbies. My mom is in Grand Prairie at the moment; and my dad and sister have been home alone, apparently having some really quality time together. My dad was laughing as he told me about their 'girl talk' that they had the other day. My sister is a gaming nerd just like me. Often she'll have friends over from school and they will play Halo together on her Xbox 360. Most of these friends are guys, and apparently there's been one guy in particular that she invites over often. "Are you chasing him?" my dad asked my sister after she asked to invite him over one day. "You got to keep the guys happy..." my sister responded cryptically. Digging for further clarification, my sister began to relate stories of her childhood where they used to chase the boys to keep them away.

My dad then began to share how once this boy had apparently told people at school that he and my sister were dating. My sister got wind of this and decided to issue a punishment for him. She ignored him and gave him the silent treatment for a whole week! He didn't get it; he was totally oblivious to why she would ignore him. Finally she broke down and told him. I can just imagine, "Since when did you ask for my permission to date me?!"

None of us siblings ever bothered to date in high school(except for my brother in his graduating year, and he actually only ever bothered to date one girl). Rather we just spent large amounts of time hanging out with the opposite sex. My brother hung out with a bunch of girls, my first year out of high school was primarily me and the guys, and now my sister invites guys over to the house one-on-one for some Halo bonding time. Currently we're all single. Haha, it's scary how all us siblings are all alike.

Current Mood:

single

Leave a comment

Advertisement

Advertisement